Love Reign O're Me
by poisonedbynight
Summary: You just hear the news that three of your friends are dead and your fourth friend is the cause of it all. How do you deal with it all? With the only way you can: you let their love wash over you.    T to be very safe.


_A/N Song is by The Who. The Greatness is by JKR. I am neither._

* * *

_Only love,  
Can make it rain,  
The way the beach is kissed by the sea.  
Only love,  
Can make it rain,  
Like the sweat of lovers lying in the fields._

You hear the tragic news. The funny thing is that that's not even the worst part of it. It's not bad enough that your best friend and his wife were murdered by the darkest wizard of all time. The thing that gets you is who turned them in. One of your best friends betrayed James and Lily to Voldemort. The cherry on top of it all is that your friend Sirius didn't get a big enough kick out of joining the Death Eaters and killing James and Lily – he needed to kill Peter too.

So you sit down in your one-room flat, alone. There is no noise inside the flat or outside and it seems fitting to you. It's the only time that it's been quiet and it chooses to be now. While it may be fitting, you wish that there was noise. To you, noise makes things seem final.

This silence is driving you insane. You notice that no tears are falling down your face and you wonder if you are in shock. It is really possible, you think. In a way, you just lost three of your brothers. How can't you be in shock?

You can't take the silence any longer. You actually think that two of your friends are dead, and one is in prison!

You escape the silence by leaving your flat and Apparating away. You don't know where you want to go. You just imagine a place in your mind and go there. You end up on a road. You're surprised that you didn't Splinch yourself. Maybe you did. Maybe your eyebrows are gone. Right now, you don't really care if you Splinched yourself, you just keep walking down the road.

The road is very familiar to you. You know that you've been here before. You don't see a sign that tells you where you are, though; it's all by memory. To the side of the road you see a field. You wonder why you thought of a field. You wanted noise, but you go to an empty field. Without noise, you are free to think distractions, much like you would at your flat. You need distractions right now. You need to distract yourself from the thought of James, Peter, and Lily being dead. You stay, though. You don't want to move.

Why did you even think that they were dead? What led you to think that your friend was a traitor? When Dedalus Diggle from the Order came to your flat, you knew that something happened. You were right with that guess. He told you what happened, and left. Did that person know for a fact that they were dead? Did he see their dead bodies lying on the floor? Did he have proof that they were dead?

"Remus, what are you thinking?" you say out loud to yourself. "Of course they're dead."  
You have a simple answer which you shout to the open field, "THEY'RE NOT DEAD!"

Your head suddenly clears, and you wonder how you could've been lying to yourself. You feel empty inside. Nothing else can cause this feeling. Three of your closest friends – you count Lily as one of your closest friends – were murdered, and one of your friends killed them. He only killed one directly; you remind yourself that he turned the others in to Voldemort.

Your friends are dead.

"You're dead," you say quietly, and a tear falls down your face. The wind that is blowing makes the skin on your face cold. To make everything better you hear thunder above you. Minutes later, the first drops start coming down. The first drop hits the top of your hand and you look up. You choose to look up at the perfect time – a rain drop falls right into your eye.

It's not a small, tiny drop that has hit your eye. It's a big drop, the size that makes you wonder how all of the water can stay together. Your eye stings but it is welcome. It takes your mind off of everything, just for a second. After that second is up, all of the other pain comes back to you.

More rain falls, and the wind picks up its speed, forcing the rain drops to come at you all the harder. Goosebumps form on your arms and legs, and you don't care. You just don't care. You like rain. You always have and you always will. It refreshes the Earth. Now, you wonder if rain means something different. You wonder if the sky is crying for you. It knows that you have nothing left, and it makes it better for you. It's unfortunate that the rain brings back memories.

It brings back memories of when things were better – when no one was in hiding. You weren't care free, but you enjoyed yourself. You remember that it had started raining, and everyone started to leave because you were getting soaked. Lily stopped you and everyone else and said that they couldn't leave the field yet.

"Why not? We're getting soaked," her husband said, rain was dripping off his hair and onto his glasses.

"Because someone above us is crying for us. They're trying to make things better for us. The least we can do is appreciate what they give everyone." Lily finished, and you stayed there, in the rain.

Much like you are now.

Now, though, is different. You don't have your friends to spend your time with. You are alone. To add to the situation, you are also wet. Your clothes are skin tight and you don't like it – it's getting hard to breath.

"To hell with it," you say out loud, and take your shirt off.

The elements are coming at you with all that they've got, and you are happy about that. You now have a bigger distraction than before. You can't hear anything other than rain hitting the ground. You can't even feel your body – you are numb inside and out. Other than numb you are empty, just empty.

_Love, Reign o'er me.  
Love, Reign o'er me. Rain on me, rain on me._

_Only love,  
Can bring the rain,  
That make you yearn to the sky.  
Only love,  
Can bring the rain,  
That falls like tears from on high. _

When you can't do anything because you are shaking so hard, you decide that it's time to go home. You pull your wand out and focus on your flat. You say the spell and one pop later you are home again. At this point, the only thing that keeps you from lying on the floor, holding yourself, is the tears that fall on to your chest. That little bit of warmth is all that keeps you sane. You could just lie on the floor, holding yourself, waiting for things to get better. But you know that that's not the thing to do; you need to keep moving. Your tears help you with that.

You manage to walk to the bathroom to get a towel. You choose one of the three towels that you own to dry off with. You know that you are probably sick. With the amount of time you were out in the cold, there's no possibility that you can't be sick. The emptiness inside of you isn't helping, either.

You walk the few meters to your room where you find dry clothes. You still hear rain pounding outside. At least there is some noise for you. You lay down on your cold bed, unsure of what you are going to do. You hope for sleep, but you know that that isn't going to happen. You try, though, and hope to God that a peaceful sleep comes. It doesn't.

So you lay there, not thinking about anything because you are scared of what thoughts might form in your head.

The rain pounds on and tears are still falling down your face. There is a wet spot of tears on your pillow and it feels cold to your face. You turn to the other side so you're not lying in your tears. Minutes later there is another spot of wet tears – you have no-where to turn to. You get out of your bed – lying down doesn't help you. There isn't much room in your flat so you have nothing to do, but you make do somehow.

There are some dirty dishes that need to be put away and places that can be dusted, which you do. You do it all by hand, though. What good comes out of saying a spell and everything being done? After mere minutes of work, you are done. Another crack of thunder hits and you jump. You wonder why you are scared of something as harmless as thunder, but you don't have an answer. You don't have an answer for anything these days.

The sky slowly becomes brighter and you can see the grey clouds that house the storm. All you can see is grey; there isn't a drop of blue in the sky.

You remember what the man said earlier about the meeting this morning. You can't skip an Order meeting – you don't skip an order meeting, especially not this one. You only skip a meeting if you are on a mission. Or in James, Peter's and Lily's case, dead.

Your tears have stopped falling, and your eyes hurt. You guess that your eyes are red and puffy. You walk into the bathroom and see that you are right. You grab a rag and wash your face because it feels hard from all of the tears passing over your skin. You use cold water because you aren't happy enough to use warm water.

You finish getting ready – you don't know how or when you finished, but you are. You walk out the front door without locking it. You don't have anything that's worth stealing, so why bother?

It's still raining. How could you miss that it is raining? Since you don't want to get wet again you Apparate as close as you can to the meeting's location. You need to walk the rest of the way, and you wonder if you will have enough energy to make it there. You didn't get any sleep last night, and it's unusual for you.

You keep walking, though, and you aren't tired. You could probably run one mile right now, and you wouldn't be tired.

You see the location that you want and you look around to see if anyone is following you, which no one is. You walk up to the door and silently say the spell. The door opens, and you walk in. Someone is walking by the door when you enter, and he gives you a strange look.

"Remus," Diggle says awkwardly, "what are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the meeting," you say. You are emotionless when you speak.

"I know; I just didn't expect you here," he says.

You follow him to where the meeting takes place and you see that the meeting is about to start. You sit down in an empty chair. Everyone looks at you, and some of them have tears sitting in their eyes. Your eyes fall on Alice, who has tears steadily falling down her face. She and Lily became close when they found out that they were both pregnant at the same time. When they discovered that Voldemort was after one of their babies, they became closer. Neither of them wanted Voldemort to come after the other, but at the same time, both couldn't help but hope that they weren't the ones being tracked down. Once we found out who the prophecy was about Alice let out that small sigh of relief. She now regrets that small sigh.

The only person's gaze that you hold is Dumbledore's. He looks at you without his mouth moving – his eyes are doing all of the talking. Eventually, he looks away from you, and begins speaking to everyone in the room. You don't know what he's saying – it goes in one ear and out the other – but you know what it's about.

You wonder why you even came to the meeting. There isn't anything that you want to know right now. You don't need to know anything other than three of your friends are dead and one of them is in Azkaban.

So why are you sitting here, amongst people who will be sad about the loss that the Order just went through for seven days? Why are you sitting here when you could be with someone who cared – yourself?

You know that Dumbledore is still talking, but you get up anyways. As you are about to leave the room you feel eyes on your back. That is expected. What you don't expect is that someone will say something.

"At least it's not you, Remus. You could be dead right now."

You turn around to face Diggle and you say, "Yeah, at least I'm not dead."

You walk out of the room and out into the rain again. The rain has picked up once again, so it is now pouring .

You think about what he said to you. Are you happy that you aren't the one that's dead? No, it would be better for you if you were out of this pain – out of this world.

You know that it would be a waste of life, though. It just wouldn't be right if you let your life go after what just happened to your friends. You can't just throw your life away.

You remember what Lily said about the rain. She said that they are crying so we can have a better life. Now you think that she is wrong. They're crying because they are sad for you. They are sad that you have to live this life.

Or maybe you are wrong. Maybe it's people like James, Peter and Lily, people who have died, letting their love fall from the sky onto you.

So, here you stand, in the rain, letting their love wash over you.

_Love, Reign o're me.  
Love, Reign o're me, on me._


End file.
